TeRuAh'S ThOuGhTs

I have to go off on a tangent for a minute and express my thoughts about something...forgive me if this offends you, but please first consider why you are offended. Is it because this actually resonates with you? Are you someone who uses this excuse as well? Or is it because you think my opinion is way off?

So here it goes... I have had many conversations with Christians from all over, in these conversations I often hear the following statement:

"This is where God has me right now and I am just on the path

that He is having me to go down."

or

"Well I know that I am where I am because I just haven't figured

what I am not doing or what I am doing wrong so I can be blessed

and be able to have and do the things I really want in and for my life."

(in response to the 1st statement)

Now all in all that is not a bad response BUT when it is your only response as to what you are doing or going after when you are totally unsatisfied with your life and where you are. As well as an excuse for not having the guts to go after your dreams. Then in that case, that response really pisses me off! I'm sorry but it does! It is an absolute insult in my opinion to such a creative, loving God that sacrificed His only Son so that we could be free.

It is for FREEDOM that we have been set free!

It also makes God sound like some entity that doesn't really care about your dreams, desires, or interests. It gives people the image of our God as a God who doesn't want His creative creation to have a brain for themselves. That He just wants robots to "go down the right (only) path" even when they are completely dissatisfied. I'm sorry but that is not the kind of God that I serve.

I am so grateful for the time that I have been able to spend at Bethel Church in Redding, CA.(http://www.ibethel.org/) It has completely rocked my image of who I thought God is. My God not only created me to serve Him and fulfill His purpose on earth, He created me to co-create with Him. Meaning we are partners with The Creator! That means that we get to have a mind of our own. We get to dream. He didn't give us a mind so we could just be brainwashed and simply follow commands. He gave us a mind that is SANCTIFIED, HOLY, and free to DREAM.

Yes I believe that God has a specific destiny for each of us. But again we were not designed to be robots and simply follow commands. He has written our destiny but we get to make choices how it ends up being carried out. We have the freedom to fully explore everything that interests us. He wants us to try and dream even bigger dreams then He does for us. You know Christ was our example, and with an example that means that it is just a prototype, it is not always going to look the same. He healed the sick, raised the dead, set captives free, challenged the scholars and religious heads of His day. And you know what He said in the end? He said this is only the beginning..."you will do greater things than I." He wants us to dream with Him! Ask for greater, experience greater and do greater things.

(in response to the 2nd statement)

In part that second statement has some truth. But again if it is your understanding as to why you are not seeing the things that you are praying and fighting for then you have totally missed it. Yes there is such a thing as reaping and sowing BUT again God is not a ruler who sits on His throne deciding whether you have jumped through enough hoops so that He can finally bless you. He sets us up every day of our life to receive His love, gifts and blessings. It is His greatest desire for you to be blessed way beyond measure. How else would you explain grace if this is your image of God. Grace is something we are given that we do not deserve or could ever earn! Why would God go through the trouble of creating someone in His image if He constantly had to be judging whether they were really good enough to receive His goodness. He created us for relationship with Him, He wanted to share intimacy and His entire Kingdom with man. Why, because it is our choice to have that relationship with Him. We get to choose to love Him. Isn't it so much better to have a friend you can share everything with that willingly, without force has chosen to be that friend to you?

Free will doesn't just mean that we get to choose whether to follow Christ or not. Free will means that we have an overall destiny but we get to choose to take road A, B, C, D or E (and on) to get there. Have fun, remember this is a journey, an adventure!

It is for FREEDOM that we have been set free!

How Am I Doing? (Teruah)

Well...let's see, it sure has been a heck of a year already. So just to update you all a bit, in December I found out that my Father Glen (biological-lives in Texas) was not doing so well. I knew that something had been wrong for some time but doctors were not able to diagnose him with anything. On December 26th his wife had him admitted to the mental hospital for the 3rd time, claiming he was acting very aggressive and breaking into the neighbors house. Some of this was confirmed when I spoke with the mental hospital, although while he was there they did find that he had severe double pneumonia. I believe he was trying to find help which is why he ended up at the neighbors house in the middle of the night.

One night in worship at Blazing Fire (my mom, dad, sister & brother-in-laws church) as I was sharing with my sister what God was saying to me she shared what He had been saying to her and in that moment it was confirmed to me what I had been hearing for the last year was true. He was going home (heaven) to be with Pappa. This was really hard for me to digest being that God had really been doing some reconciliation with him and I over the last 3 years. I just didn't want to let go of the possibility of having the father daughter relationship with him that I had always wanted.

So when I heard he was in the hospital with pneumonia and had not been able to say other then yes or no for the last 2 months I knew time was running short. I thank God so much that he absolutely prepared me for this and has been walking so closely to me during this time, I could not have made it without that.

When Anna's sister asked us to drive her to Texas for school in January at first we were hesitant, until we felt like God was planning the trip. So we said yes, He provided above and beyond what we needed to finance the trip, thank you Daddy! After dropping her sister off in Dallas we headed up to Amarillo to visit my father. We stayed 4 nights so in all I was able to spend 5 days with him. He was looking better by the time I was leaving, but he had not been eating for the last month so the day before I left they put in a feeding tube. My sister decided to go out and see him as well and would be there a couple days after I left. A friend of ours had offered us a house to stay in while we were in the Dallas area and suggested that after visiting my father that we go back to Dallas and spend a couple days to just rest and hang out with Pappa. After being in Amarillo seeing my father in such bad shape we decided to take the offer. We both really needed that time and are forever grateful. We ended up spending 5 days of resting and recouping. The night before we were going to head back to NY, I got a call from my sister as well as my step-sister that my Father wasn't doing good and had pulled out the feeding tube and now his wife had to decide whether to reinsert it or send him to hospice car. Because God had provided more then enough we were able to extend the rental car and go back up to Amarillo.

When I arrived he had seriously deteriorated and it was just a matter of time. Honestly I thought that it would be at least another month. Well Pappa took him home 2 days later on January 25th.

So how am I doing?

Well it is not easy to say goodbye to someone you love no matter how close you were or were not. It has been much more difficult than I imagined. Honestly I thought that I was prepared and would not really go through a drawn out grieving process, well I was wrong. Most days I don't even really know what to feel or what I am feeling. Sometimes I am just walking down the street or drinking a coffee and I realise that I will never be able to have a moment like that with my father. That is when it really hurts. I no longer have the opportunity to call him up and tell him I love him or drink a coffee or go down to a Too Tum Totum for a coke. I think it is so much harder then I expected because not only am I grieving the loss of him but also the loss of a relationship I never got to have. Most days I am just really quiet and want to alone, zone out, watch a movie or just fumble around on the internet. Conversation with me has been very difficult and far to come by, Anna can vouch for that. I guess I am just quiet because I am at a loss for words or don't want to express my sadness which will result in crying. Don't get me wrong I have definitely allowed myself to cry and have spent nights crying myself to sleep, I just don't want to cry every time I talk about him.

Anna's friend invited us to come up to Canada for a couple weeks and just relax. We were both really looking forward to this. Well we have ended up staying up here for a month! It has been so refreshing! I have had time to just process, zone out and try to sort out all that has gone on in the last couple months. The grieving process is moving along and all in all I am doing ok. God is good and I know that my father is hanging out with Pappa.

Thank you all so very much for keeping me in prayer and asking how I am doing. Thank you Thank you Thank you! Please continue to keep me in your prayers and continue asking how I am doing!

Teruah

Yes, WE ARE ALIVE!!

Hi all!
Many apologies that this is so late in coming...Teruah and I have been in Canada for the last 4 weeks visiting a friend of mine, and tomorrow we re-enter the States.

It's been a quiet 4 weeks, but we are not complaining! We sort of took a break from everything and just rested and visited. I hadn't seen my friend, Darlene, since May 2005 just before I left for Africa. So just "hanging out" was nice. We were shown around Toronto one day ( I think maybe it was the coldest day we were here!) and took a side trip to Port Perry (a quaint little town with storefront shops all along the street) another day. We were able to meet her 2 grandsons (ages 8 and 4yrs) and played bingo, "I spy," and hide and go seek and had a blast! All around it was a very pleasant and relaxing time. Thank you, Darlene for hosting us!!

Tomorrow we will head back down to New York for a few days and from there will be going to see my mom and sister in Washington, Pennsylvania.

We'd appreciate your prayers for safe travel.

What's on our mind for the coming weeks?

(1) Visiting with my mom and sister in Pennsylvania for a couple weeks

(2) Traveling down to West Virginia to visit my dad and more family

(3) A trip to Washington, D.C.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers any time you think of us and we will keep you posted on our whereabouts! Also, we'd love to hear from any of you who want to write us - our joint email is: AnnaTeruah@gmail.com and both of us have individual email accounts that you are welcome to contact us at any time!

OK, well that's all for now, folks. I'm gonna try my best to get Teruah to write ya'll the next time! (-: It's about time we hear from her, huh?

Thanks to those of you who have been emailing, calling and keeping in touch with us! It's been nearly 3 months since we left California - and I for one, am missing it! But it's been good to be "home" too. Things will be much prettier here in a few weeks when Spring hits the East Coast.

All my love,

Anna